A Little of the Past, A Little of the Now
by thirdwatch03
Summary: read and find out
1. The now

It's been such a long time. I want to forget my past. I was a rebel. Hard to believe huh? Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenizie as a rebel. I had the belly button ring, and at one time, I had short dark brown hair with VERY noticable red streaks through it. then, I let it grow out and I got rid of the red streaks. But after my best friend's OD, Reality hit me. I couldn't keep doing this and expect to live a long life. I chopped my hair off, and joined the marines. After a while, I got my law degree and joined JAG- Judge advocate general. And here I am today, a Lieutenant Colonel. My hairs grown back to right below my shoulders. I've made so many friends. Right now, though, I wish I could forget most everything that's happened. Harm left and that broke my heart. I didn't think I could make it without him. We've shared so much together. When he left, I broke down. I took a few days off, so I could collect my thoughts and put my perspectives in place.   
  
-------------2 wks. later......  
  
I'm leaving JAG. So many memories there; just too many. There's just too much that time cannot erase. I've already cleared it with the Admiral and all of the proper people. I'm going to go get my stuff today.   
  
before I got there.....  
  
"AJ!"  
  
"Harm! Good to see you again!"  
  
"Same here. Is Mac around?"  
  
By then, Harriet and Bud had joined into the conversation.  
  
"You don't know, Commander?"  
  
"Know what? What aren't you telling me?"  
  
"Mac doesn't work for JAG anymore."  
  
"What? Since when?"  
  
"Just a few weeks ago. She's really going into a downward spiral."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Her hair is getting long again, she is just losing everything that represented her."  
  
I walked in with my head down. I went straight to my office. I piled all of my pictures and other stuff that belonged to me in a couple of boxes. I had all of my pictures of everyone on top. I walked back out of my office, and was on my way out. I was half-way out the door when I heard AJ say,  
  
"Mac."  
  
I thought 'damn. He saw me'. I really wanted to get out of here without being put through a guilt trip.  
  
"I don't go by that anymore, sir."  
  
"What do you go by, then?"  
  
"Sarah. Just Sarah."  
  
"Well, Sarah, will you come over here for a minute?"  
  
I did as asked.   
  
"Sarah, we want to say goodbye."  
  
"And so do I."said Harm.  
  
"Good for you."  
  
"I AM STILL YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER, MACKENZIE."  
  
"Sorry Sir." 


	2. Leaving it all behind

"What's the big hurry, Sarah?"  
  
"I have a plane to catch. I'm going to New York."  
  
"New York? Wow."  
  
"Yeah, going back to my old life."  
  
AJ knew this was going to be a problem because my old life was deadly.  
  
"Sarah, I need to talk to you for a minute."  
  
Harm grabbed my arm and practically drug me to my old office.  
  
"OWWW! DAMN!"  
  
"What the hell are you doing, Mac?"  
  
"Look Harm, I really don't need this hollier-than-thou, patronizing shit right now, okay?"  
  
"You had so much going for you when I left."  
  
"That was almost six months ago!"  
  
"Only six months!"  
  
Everyone outside was listening because we were screaming so loud.  
  
"Six months can make the biggest difference. It can make someone realize what the really want and what the really need in their life. It helped me get my priorities straight."  
  
"Mac, please. Don't screw this all up because of me."  
  
"Who said I was doing this for you or because of you? I can do things by myself and for myself and I'll demonstrate that right now by exercising my right to leave."  
  
I walked out of the office with Harm close behind. As bad as I wanted to turn around and hug and kiss him right there, I couldn't. I needed my old life. I got so close to the door when Harm started talking to me again, so as a courtesy, I turned to face him.  
  
"Don't throw this all away. Sarah, please."  
  
"Harm, a wise person, once told me that to be a better person, you have to bring a little of the past and a little of the now and combine them. This is what I got out of it."  
  
"This isn't you, sarah. Remember, when our plane crashed over afghanistan and you kept babbling because you were scared."  
  
A smile spred across both of our faces.  
  
"I wasn't scared. I was...I was....okay. fine. Maybe I was a little scared."  
  
We gave a little laugh and that smile never left our faces.  
  
"You gave me the speech that you gave in your eighth grade language expressions class about,"  
  
"how to make ice cream and the different flavors you can make. I remember. Harm, I have a plane to catch."  
  
"At least give me a hug."  
  
"Okay."  
  
I hugged him then kissed his cheek.  
  
"Take this."  
  
"Harm, this is your bomber jacket. You need it."  
  
"Not as much as you. It's cold in New York City."  
  
"Thanks. Bye Flyboy."  
  
"Bye Marine."  
  
I slipped Harm's coat on, and went to pick up my boxes. Harm beat me to it, though.  
  
"Let me get those."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
We walked out to my car which, convieniently was parked in front of the big window from our floor and everyone was watching us. Harm put the boxes in the trunk. I walked up to him and let my head hit his chest. My hands were on the upper part of his arms. Harm had his arms wrapped around me.  
  
"Please don't go, Mac."  
  
"I have to Harm. It's where my home is. the open highway."  
  
"Sarah, look around. Your home is here."  
  
I looked up into his eyes. We must've just stood like that for 5 minutes.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Um?"  
  
"Kiss me would you?"  
  
"Anytime, Marine."  
  
We kissed with so much passion. We both had our hands on the other persons face. I didn't want to let go of that and I don't think that Harm did either. 


	3. The Past

We kissed with so much passion. We both had our hands on the other persons face. I didn't want to let go of that and I don't think that Harm did either. All of the JAG people came out to congratulate us on my staying. Out of nowhere, a man tackled Harm and they started to beat the living crap out of each other.  
  
"HARM! Stop it!"  
  
AJ, Bud, and I were trying to pull them apart.  
  
"What is this all about?"  
  
"What are you doing kissing my fiance'?"  
  
"Fiance'? What is he talking about, Mac?"  
  
"I told you Nick! We were done. We've been done since you beat the living crap out of me a couple of weeks ago."  
  
"I never hit you that hard."  
  
"I was in the emergency room with 2 busted ribs!"  
  
"That wasn't me."  
  
"Sure it wasn't. Let me see your arms."  
  
"What? No."  
  
"Let me see your arms or I will pull them out myself."  
  
Nick stuck his arms out. He had track marks up and down them. He was a part of my evil past.  
  
"You're high. You don't remember anything. What drug of choice was it this time? Speed? Heroin? Crack?"  
  
"None."  
  
"Don't lie to me, Nick. I know what it looks like when someone's been using. These track marks are still fresh."  
  
This was confusing to everyone but AJ. He knew about my past and no one else did.  
  
"Fine. I used a couple of hours ago, and it was liquid ex."  
  
"You used liquid ex? You know how strong that shit is? You shouldn't even be using at all!"  
  
"I'll just leave."  
  
"Then go."  
  
He left and everyone else decided to come up to me and bug me about my past. Harm was first and I knew he would be the worst.  
  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Because these are my problems. Not anyone else's just mine."  
  
"yeah right. You were a drug addict."  
  
This ticked me off so bad.  
  
"Alright! You want to know my past? I was a rebel. I had a belly button ring, at one time I had short, dark brown hair with red streaks. I let my hair grow out, I did drugs, and I drunk booze. When my sister ODed, reality hit me, and hit me hard. I couldn't keep doing that and expect to live. That was when I was 22. I chopped my hair off and joined the Navy. I got my law degree and joined JAG. I was waking up in better apartments and driving better cars, and I loved it. Then my past snuck up on me again, and here I am. In the same shitty place that I started in. Is that what you wanted, Harm? Huh?"  
  
"Sarah,"  
  
"Forget it. I'm going to New York and I have half an hour to get to the airport."   
  
Harm took my shoulder and turned me around to face him. My eyes were about to let loose and just spill out millions of tears. A few had escaped already. Harm put both hands on the side of my face and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears. My hands were grabbing his arms.  
  
"Sarah, I don't care about who you were then. That's the past and we'll leave it there. I care about who you are now."  
  
"Harm, I,"  
  
"Just come here."  
  
He pulled me into a hug. 


	4. The morning after

That was it. The hug broke the final string. The flood gates opened and I started to bawl. Harm just kept saying 'sssh. It'll be okay'. After a few minutes, I composed myself and stepped back from Harm a few steps.  
  
"You want me to take you home, Mac?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He threw me over his shoulder.  
  
"Then home it is!"  
  
we were laughing and everyone else was smiling.  
  
"There's no point in fighting this, is there?"  
  
"No. Not really."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Harm put me in the front passengers side of the car and he got in the drivers side. My house is about 45 minutes to an hour away from the JAG office. I fell asleep on the way home. When we got to my apartment, Harm said,   
  
"Sarah, we're here."  
  
He looked over at me and smiled. Harm told me while we were in Afghanastan, that he loved watching me sleep. The way that I smiled while sleeping, how the few hairs drifted over my face, made him so calm, so happy. Very quietly, Harm opened his door, shut it, opened my door and picked me up bridal style. He kicked my door shut, carried me to my front door, opened it, went inside, kicked the door shut, and carried me upstairs. Harm layed me on top of the bed. He took my shoes, and the jacket off. Harm then pulled the covers down and postioned me so that I was under them. He kissed my forhead then layed next to me, on top of the covers. He took his shoes off, but only expected to lay there for a few minutes. Harm ended up falling asleep shortly after that.  
  
---------  
  
I woke up at about 7:15 the next morning. The sunlight was peeking through the window and shining on my bed. I felt so energized. I smelled something really good coming from the kitchen and heard someone trying to sing. I knew that's where Harm must be. I just layed there for a few minutes. I saw Harm walk in my room carrying a tray full of food.   
  
"Good morning, beautiful."  
  
"Morning."  
  
"I have made you breakfast."  
  
"You didn't have to."  
  
"But I wanted to. I figure that this is the least I could do for you in return that you didn't kick the crap out of me yesturday."  
  
"Okay. What'd you make me?"  
  
"Bacon, crispy but not burnt, Eggs, sunny-side up, toast, lightly toasted, and a few sausage patties. Oh, and some orange juice."  
  
"Thank you, Flyboy."  
  
"Anytime Marine."  
  
I sat up and Harm put the tray on my lap. He went around to the other side of the bed, and sat down against the pillows and watched me eat. This really was good. I never could see Harm being all that great of a cook.   
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Yeah, Mac?"  
  
"Why are you starring at me? It's starting to scare me."  
  
"No reason. I just,"  
  
"You just what?"  
  
"After being away for six months, I almost forgot how beautiful you are."  
  
"Thanks. I almost forgot how handsome you are."  
  
"Why, I am aren't I?"  
  
We both laughed. Harm had a way of doing that. He could just make you laugh at the snap of his fingers(not literaly of course).  
  
I finished eating. 


End file.
